The other night I was feeling very blah. I was tired, I felt like I had so much to get done and very little motivation to do it, and I just felt anxious and overwhelmed overall. I’m generally pretty upbeat and energetic, but I have my moments like everyone else. Sometimes I just want to eat something sweet and maybe cry for a few minutes. Never underestimate the power of a quick cry.
In this Eeyore-y state of mind, I decided to allow an unfortunate and annoying guest in: the Comparison Monster. Alas, I heard the Monster knocking, and I let him take a seat with me in my living room. Ugh, I hate comparing myself to other people even when I’m in the middle of doing it. I know it’s not beneficial, and I don’t like pulling up a chair for myself at any kind of pity party.
Okay, so as a new blogger and someone who started a social media account from scratch, it’s easy for me to start comparing. I see other bloggers with thousands of followers on social media and probably thousands of subscribers. I see people’s writing that goes viral or gets shared countless times. I find that I fall into the thinking of, “Well, what am I not doing?” or “What could I be doing more of?” I wonder, “Should I have more followers or more subscribers by this point?” and I feel that deep-seated, slithery fear of failure. The “What if this never goes anywhere?” hot flash of embarrassment.
So, what I have to report back is, 10/10 I don’t recommend this type of thinking. It sucks. It’s fear-based thinking and it is zero percent productive. When I start to feel myself slipping into this way of thought, dipping a toe into such a shallow pool, I’ve started to do a few things:
1) I repeatedly tell myself to chill the eff out (I use cruder language with myself though). I’m an impatient, perfectionist type of person and this leaves me weighed down by my own pressure a lot. When I’m passionate about something, I want it to happen NOW, and when I don’t get the expected results that I strived for, I’m bummed. This arbitrary disappointment is so unnecessary, so I’m grateful when I can call myself out on it, and I call myself out all the time.
2) I remind myself to look at the big picture. Okay, so this blogger has 100,000 followers? That’s fantastic, but I also remind myself of other factors. Oh, she also started her blog 10 years ago? I give myself the reality check that it takes time to build a subscriber base and followers. I can’t compare something I started months ago to something that has been around for a decade. Rome was not built in a day. I also love the example of comedians or actors when people will say that they “were an overnight success” when in reality they have been chipping away and working hard for years. Success doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s a falsity to think that it ever does.
3) I refocus on the positive. Hey, I’ve started something and it takes guts, time, and hard work to start something new and put yourself out there. Instead of thinking of what I haven’t achieved, I shift the conversation to what I have. The only real failure is not trying in the first place, right? Small steps still get you to the destination, and there’s joy in celebrating those stepping stones instead of solely focusing on the destination point. It’s amazing how taking a moment to reframe my thinking allows positivity the chance to rush back in.
It goes without saying that you don’t have to be a new blogger or writer for the Comparison Monster to rear his ugly head. I think with social media alone it can be dangerously easy to constantly measure yourself against someone else. So whoever or whatever you are trying to match yourself up against, I hope these tips can offer a little assistance and stop the Comparison Monster from ever stealing your joy.
No one has it all figured out, nobody has a perfect or totally balanced life, and no one, not even Gisele or Beyoncé, fully escapes the Comparison Monster. It’s inevitable that the Monster gets out from time to time, but we decide if we let him post up at the party or if we send him packing. Turn the music and lights down low and ignore the door banging and inevitable shouting of, “I’ve been to better pity parties anyway!”
*Originally posted 10/06/2020*
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