January 30, 2023

Forget FOMO: the joy of missing out

You’re most likely familiar with the phrase “FOMO,” or the “fear of missing out.” Whether you’ve suffered the sad sigh while scrolling Instagram or realized that you aren’t part of a group text chain, I think we’ve all had those left-out feelings bubble up inside of us. I can’t make a bachelorette trip? FOMO. I went home and others stayed out and had a super fun night? FOMO. I’m out of town for a concert I would have really wanted to attend? FOMO. The message (only fueled by the highlight reel of social media) is that we should be doing more at all times, and if we’re not, we have to be missing out.

As I’ve aged, I’ve started to lean into “JOMO,” or the “joy of missing out.” After a week of having a different event or commitment every night, I’m exhausted. After the months where I’m traveling all over the place, I’m scatterbrained. After a packed schedule of birthdays, wedding or baby showers, weddings, etc. I feel spread too thin. I’ve discovered that sometimes the secret to living more joyfully is simply saying, “No,” rather than, “Yes.” Instead of focusing on our FOMO constantly, maybe we should switch the narrative and learn to appreciate our JOMO.

Now, I’m a big fan of showing up for people. There are certain events that you make happen or times when you may have to put your interests on the back burner. That’s life and that’s a part of maintaining relationships with significant others, friends, and family. However, if a friend has nine wedding events, must you attend all of them? No. If you’ve just traveled to see family, do you need to make a trip again the next month for so-and-so’s birthday? I don’t think so. Is it necessary to attend every friend’s gender reveal party? Probably not. These events add up quickly in terms of time and money, and you are 1000% allowed to RSVP “No.” It may be surprising to hear, but you don’t always owe people an explanation, and you don’t need to be convinced or pressured into complying with an event or invitation.

The older I get, the more I guard my free time like a dragon with its mounds of treasure and gold. Life seems to be moving at super-speed most weeks and months, and I’ve come to delight in a night on the couch or a slow morning. I frequently feel like I’m playing catch up, so the occasional night at home where I have total freedom and control over the evening’s agenda sounds heavenly. (Watch a movie? Take a long walk? Sit down and write? Have a glass of wine on the porch? So many possibilities!) I’ve stopped feeling guilty for taking a night off when it’s needed. Oftentimes, when someone inquires what I’m doing later and my response is, “No plans,” suggestions pepper the air like comic speech bubbles. “Well, if you’re not doing anything, do you want to X,Y,Z?” Nope, I’m good. I’ve actually planned to not have plans, and I am perfectly content with that decision.

I was invited for drinks recently, and I declined. We had weeks of company in town, and I was feeling like I needed a night to decompress. I put comfy clothes on and Patrick and I (plus the cats) watched a movie, and I had zero regrets. Did I miss out on a wild night? Maybe. Will there be future exciting nights? Yes. Did I have any desire to put hard-top pants on and leave my house? Definitely not. Was there a whole lot of JOMO and not even a trace of FOMO? Yes. There’s comfort in relaxing and unwinding. There’s glee in having no commitments. There’s bliss in knowing that you are happy right where you are.

I hope that you will learn to embrace the JOMO as well. It’s refreshing to slow down and enjoy the present moment instead of racing after the next shiny thrill. Lean into doing less and loving it. If you still feel FOMO creeping up, just think about high-heel blisters and the incessant ping of group text notifications, and you’ll probably start to breathe a long sigh of relief. Turns out, as we find more joy, we actually miss out on a whole lot of fear and anxiety.