There is so much going on in the world right now and I am watching, reading, learning, and processing as much as I can. I vacillate between moments of joy and sadness, and this past week was no exception. I recently had someone I know imply some not-so-nice things about me. I don’t want this post to focus on that, but on my reaction to it. I didn’t know if I should write about this or not, but with “Real Talk” I made a promise to myself and to you all that I would share what is coming up for me in my life. I think a lot of you will be able to relate, and so, for that reason, I think that this is important to share.
Okay, let me begin by saying that when I started this blog, I knew that some people wouldn’t be supportive. I knew that at some point, I would get some hate. I’ve spent a lot of time in life trying to be “everyone’s cup of tea.” Listen, I can’t say this loudly enough: IT’S IMPOSSIBLE. And for women out there, one more time, I repeat: IT’S IMPOSSIBLE. Now, it would still sting a little, but if a stranger said something rude to me, I would be able to shake it off. The added challenge I faced this past week was that the person who said hurtful things was someone I knew and have spent time with. That makes it a bit more personal. Now, high school Betsy would have let someone say something rude to her and 1) Probably instantly thought their words were valid 2) Grabbed a pen and paper to take notes on their critiques (I’m an overachiever after all).
I’ve spent a lot of my energy and life being likable. That doesn’t mean my backbone doesn’t exist, but it means that I much prefer to be liked than disliked. It wasn’t until I completed my yoga training that I realized how ingrained this was in me. I would argue that most women are groomed to be this way. A lady doesn’t rock the boat, right? We want to be included, polite, and agreeable. We want to make other people feel comfortable even if that means we’re uncomfortable. I’ve worked on not letting my people-pleasing tendencies get in my own way, and I hate that recent events allowed some past patterns to boil to the surface.
Okay, back to this past week. I let someone upset me. I’m going to say it this way because I gave this person power over me. I immediately thought that I probably did do something wrong. I felt at first that I should do what this person wanted me to do and shut up. I didn’t want to post anything in fear of what this person might say. I had no motivation to write anything. I wanted to shrink myself because someone else thought that I should be small.
After feeling sad and upset, I finally thought, “What am I doing? I’m going to let someone else dictate what I’m going to write or post? This is my account and my blog and the only person who is going to decide anything is me, myself, and I.” I was actually disappointed in myself that I was allowing someone else to make me feel low, doubt myself, and feel incapable enough for my own freaking blog. Isn’t that crazy? It’s true though.
It’s so easy to let unkind words tear you down, and it’s hard to take the high road and say, “I won’t let this affect me. This is not worth my time.” Luckily, at this point in my life, I’m not sitting there with a notepad asking how I can better change myself for someone else. I can’t twist and turn myself into knots to meet everyone’s expectations. That just sounds exhausting and futile. If someone doesn’t like me, then there are plenty of other teacups out there to choose from. I’m more of a coffee person anyway, so, please, be my guest.
After wasting half of a day with tears and dejection, I put some jeans on (the real victory j.k.) and went out for a date with my husband to turn my day around. I always like to look at the silver lining of experiences (it’s very Pollyanna, I know), and in a way I’m glad that I had this come up. It reminded me that I can’t allow doubt to creep in, and I can’t and won’t accept someone trying to diminish me. I hope this resonates with you all too. Whatever you are doing, whatever you are passionate about, please don’t let someone else’s angry words bring you down. Be kind. Trust yourself. And, for the love of all that is good, be your own cup of tea…or coffee.
*Originally posted 06/23/2020*
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