Hosting and Holidays: Why This Time of Year Can Be Both Amazing and Stressful

Happy November! This month has me thinking about holidays and time spent with family. Since August, we’ve had well over two months (when combined) of company in town. From a week and a half to three weeks, we’ve spent lots of time catching up with siblings and in-laws who don’t live locally. After a year of very little hosting, it’s been wonderful to see loved ones again, give extra long hugs, and make new, fun memories in beautiful Santa Barbara. While it’s been so joyous, it’s also been a bit overwhelming, and I think as the holidays rapidly approach, a lot of people will be able to relate. 

I am thrilled when friends and family visit Santa Barbara. In fact, I think if you put roots down in S.B. you are automatically signing up to welcome future visitors. I swear that there’s an invisible dotted line that is signed whenever you lock down a lease or mortgage here. If you live near the beach or the Funk Zone, you may inadvertently achieve super host status. I’m joking, but I understand why people may want to stay a while (I’m certainly not going anywhere). I also frequently, and not so subtly, suggest that friends and family members move here too – what a dream to have all of my favorite people in my hometown. Until this fantasy becomes a reality, I know we will continue to see lots of repeat visitors. 

What I believe is not discussed enough is that it’s okay to feel both gratitude and guilt when you have company in town. It’s possible to have a blast and also run on fumes at the same time. It’s okay to be excited by plans and also weary when you look at a full schedule. You may want to engage in all of the activities, but also yearn to be horizontal on the couch by yourself. If you’re like me, you may feel like all you’ve done is entertain people, and yet still feel guilty that you didn’t participate enough. It’s a hard balancing act, and one that can bring a lot of stress and anxiety (especially around the holidays).

I have a friend that uses the phrase, “Multiple things can be true at once,” and I come back to that expression often. It’s very fitting for this time of year – a season that can bring so much laughter and cheer, yet so much frustration and unease. Holidays bring pressure from parents and children, extra social commitments, and the love/hate relationship with certain family traditions. Not to mention, we are coming off of a year that was extra light in terms of visitors and travel, so the juxtaposition may be jarring.

This holiday season it’s okay if you want to hug your relatives and never let go, and it’s also okay to contemplate taking an earlier flight home. It’s alright to feel delighted by the usual family traditions, and also remember why you could do without some of them. It’s fine if you spend all day with loved ones and then take some time off the next day. Hosting can be cheek-hurting-smiling fun and it can also be can’t-keep-eyes-open exhausting. When in doubt, remember that multiple things can be true at the same time; there’s no need to feel shameful or guilty about these feelings when they occasionally bubble up. 

If you’re feeling like you “can’t live with ‘em” or “can’t live without ‘em” in reference to visitors in the coming months, you’re not alone. You may feel like you never want to host again while you pencil in the same dates for next year. Laugh until you cry, roll your eyes behind closed doors, clean the kitchen, dial takeout, clink glasses, and feel all the feelings. ‘Tis the season, and that means embracing all of the moments, some merrier than others. So trim the tree, and know that the tinsel will inevitably get a bit tangled, and that’s completely okay.

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