When I started The Bets Life, I remember being overwhelmed by all that went into building something new and creative. The nuts and bolts were one thing (hello, technological learning curve), but there was a lot more to handle emotionally. I was nervous to put myself out there and scared to take a shot when I knew that I could fail (very publicly). As I near the two-year mark, I took some time to reflect on several truths that I wish I would have known from the get-go. If you are establishing a business or an idea a little outside of the box, I believe that these lessons that I have learned (sometimes the hard way) may be helpful. As a reminder, it takes courage to take a different path and bravery to create a completely new and uncharted one. As someone who has been there before, remember to celebrate and embrace (instead of chastise) your creativity, and give yourself permission to go against the grain.
People Won’t Support You
This is a hard one, and it probably causes me the most sinking-stomach feelings. As a general rule, people dislike change. They tend to not like it for themselves, but I realize that people typically don’t enjoy it for those close to them (friends, family) either. When people know you well, it may be hard for their notions about you to be shaken up or greatly altered. I think there can be protective reasons (they don’t want to see you fail), but I think sometimes deep down they may not want to see you succeed. I know, I know, this sounds awful, but it’s true. Sometimes seeing others pivot and pursue a different life can remind people that they aren’t living the life that they wanted or chasing the dreams that they once had. If someone really close to you won’t support you, it probably has more to do with them than with you. If I’m being transparent, I’ve felt let down by really close friends at times, and it never fails to feel like a kick in the gut. My takeaway is to remember to treat people the way you would like to be treated, to keep in mind that someone else’s success isn’t your failure, and to realize when you may be projecting your own bullshit. And when in doubt, be a hype person and not a hater for your loved ones!
People Will Support You
Yay! Some good news! A lot of people will go out of their way to cheer you on. I had people I hardly knew share about my blog when I launched it. I have people that live all over the world that engage with my social media. My writing is read by complete strangers and also people that have known me since birth. I have readers and social media followers message me about how much a Real Talk post has positively impacted them, and I also get shout outs and praise for outfits, travel guides, and Santa Barbara tips. I have a whole tribe of people raising me up and encouraging me along the way. There’s so much joy and love, and I am so grateful. For any one negative thing, there’s a tidal wave of positivity, and that makes it all worth it. I have actually cried when friends have emailed, texted, or messaged me saying how much they related to a post or how they needed to read the words that I wrote. You will have a whole squad of cheerleaders for whatever you do, and I know that I am eternally thankful for all of the people that continue to lift me up. If you’re reading this, you’re most likely one of them, so thank you from the bottom of my heart!
There Will Be Discomfort
For the record, I really like when people ask me about The Bets Life – it shows that they are interested and I appreciate people checking in. On one particular occasion though, a friend honestly stated, “I just don’t understand it” in reference to the blog. I then proceeded to have a long conversation discussing writing, connecting with people, sharing stories and Santa Barbara moments, etc. I realized later that I felt the need to sell what I was doing and prove that what I was doing was worthy and meaningful. After this outing, I decided that it wasn’t my job to convince people to like or support what I was doing. To be honest, I don’t understand what a lot of my friends do precisely at their jobs, and I don’t need to know exactly to support them. If you’re a baker, I don’t need to know the approximate amount of flour or yeast you put in the bowl to visit the bakery and appreciate the bread. I know it’s sometimes easier said than done, but my advice is to become comfortable with other people’s discomfort. It’s not your responsibility to make what you’re doing palatable for someone that most likely already has their mind made up. At the end of the day, people may not fully comprehend what you’re doing, and that’s okay.
You Will Feel Cringey
I would like to tell you that this feeling goes away, but it doesn’t. I think it shrinks and takes vacations at times, but it will pop back up. I’ve built my brand around myself, so if you don’t want to see my face often, that may be a problem. I know that I put myself out there a lot with my writing and photos, and sometimes I can feel embarrassed by this fact. When beginning something new, you have to do a lot of self promotion. You have to hustle and be your biggest fan because if you won’t, who will? I’m constantly asking people to follow, like, comment, share, and subscribe. I don’t love doing this, but to be successful, it’s part of the gig. If you’re promoting or selling something, you may have the same unsettling feelings. I’ve had imposter syndrome moments along the way too. I’ve thought who do I think I am? Or Do I really have anything worthwhile to add? You’re going to have moments where you feel like a phony and times when you worry a lot about what other people may think. Remain confident and remember that any accomplished person has felt like this before, and when in doubt, fake it until you make it.
It Will Get Better
There will be major growing pains. I can’t tell you how frustrated I was trying to figure out website plugins and newsletter formats and even Instagram Reels at first. It took me hours to format my first blog post. The good news is that whatever you are first learning will get easier with time. Those headache moments will subside and you will become better and more efficient at whatever you’re doing. You will learn how to fine tune whatever you are working on, and you’ll feel even more accomplished for conquering those previous bang-your-head-against-the-wall moments. Your business or ideas will probably adapt for the better as well. It quickly becomes apparent what’s working and what’s not, and you soon realize what you enjoy doing versus what you dread. The initial phases of a creative endeavor can feel so overwhelming and daunting, but I promise, the more you practice or work at it, the easier it will become.
You Can’t Rush the Process
I wouldn’t say that I’m a very patient person (this probably isn’t surprising). Unfortunately, I’m even less patient with myself. When I have a project, I want it done now and I can be hyper focused. Rome was not built in a day, and whatever you are building won’t be either. It takes time to brainstorm, create, market, and grow a business. The Bets Life is always evolving, and I’m constantly thinking about how I can improve or add to what I’ve already created. Plus, when you first begin, you’re going to be so excited and you will want everyone to be just as excited, and this is not the reality. It takes time to establish something and gain traction, and it will take even more time to gain more followers, customers, subscribers, etc. It’s said that there is no such thing as an overnight success, and I agree. You may be frustrated at times and you may feel like you’re trudging through mud or going one step forward and two steps backward, but the goal is to keep moving. Be consistent, keep at it, and trust the journey.
My hope is that if you’re beginning a new chapter, changing directions, or taking a risk by stepping outside of your comfort zone, that these lessons and truths will be helpful. It’s not easy to rock the boat, and it can be very uncomfortable to take a nontraditional approach. We need all types of people in this world – those that color inside the lines, those that draw their own lines, and those that need a bigger sheet of paper. Whatever you do, don’t let yourself or others stop you from picking up the crayon in the first place.
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