Lately, I’ve been reflecting on today’s beauty standards. It seems like celebrities are starting to morph into one another with matching strong jawlines, small noses, big lips, and cheekbones that could cut glass. From models to actresses to reality stars, the same standard of beauty seems to be repeatedly stamped on faces. Women appear to be making permanent and semi-permanent changes to their bodies and faces at increasingly younger ages, and photo editing and extremely unrealistic beauty ideals aren’t helping. Growing up, I remember those moments of wanting to look like everyone else. I can recall wanting to blend in and resenting sticking out (even if it could be in a positive way). There’s a survival-mode mentality when you are younger of just trying to fit in. This tends to mean chalking up all that is good or bad about your appearance (I think most of us tend to linger on the bad more so than the good unfortunately).
I started thinking about the insecurities that I felt about my appearance when I was younger. The funny thing is, I discovered that almost all of the things that I would have wanted to change about my body are features that I now value. Listen, that’s not to say that there aren’t things that I notice that I’m less-than-thrilled about, or times when I have to begrudgingly accept that the 30s sure are different than the 20s. That’s life and aging is a pain (sometimes literally). It’s simply a realization that I’ve learned to love myself more and acknowledge my attributes.
I thought about young women growing up in this filtered day and age, where fillers and plastic surgery abound, and it made me so thankful that I never changed my look when I was younger and more impressionable. I’m also grateful that I didn’t even know about half of the ways to enhance looks or body parts back then (facial implants, butt lifts, fat transfers etc.). Since we all like examples, I decided that I would (very vulnerably) share some of my past insecurities. In doing so, hopefully I can cement the life lessons that beauty fads change, you grow older and wiser, ignore people’s opinions more, learn to appreciate your differences, compare yourself to others less, and understand that standing out is a hell of a lot more interesting than fitting in.
Eyebrows: Oh sweet goodness, am I grateful that the thin-eyebrow trend ended. For years, no one knew our true facial expressions. I remember my mom warning me about over-plucking my eyebrows (she was correct), and I’m so glad that mine filled back in. I naturally have thick eyebrows, and during the dark years of the brow annihilation trend, I remember hating the fact that I had bushy eyebrows. I wanted thin, line-like eyebrows that didn’t require lots of up-close plucking time with a mirror. At the time, I bemoaned that my eyebrows grew back so quickly. Now, I love my eyebrows. I hardly do anything to them, and I enjoy their natural shape. My face looks better with my intended eyebrows (shocking, right?), and I will never go back to pencil-line brows.
Teeth: Let me start by saying that I had braces, and I hated just about every minute of it. I had braces freshman and sophomore years of high school, and I was so jealous of anyone that didn’t have braceface. I know it’s a privilege to afford braces, but as a high schooler, I did not view it as such. I submitted to braces because of my large teeth. I have big teeth, and there were times that I felt like a beaver or a horse as I was growing into them. Again, now people pay a lot of money to get veneers to achieve this look, but back then all I wanted was a normal smile. I was envious of smaller smiles with less in-your-face chompers. Flash-forward, and I get complimented on my smile all of the time, and I’m grateful for my big teeth and for my years of braces.
Body Type: The grass is always greener, and I know few (if any) women who didn’t yearn for a different body shape at some point. I will never have the quintessential hourglass figure (I’m more of an athletic build), and the Karshashian booty will never be in the cards for me. I’ve lived through the moments of wanting bigger and then smaller boobs, wanting to be skinnier and then wanting to be stronger, and having no ass and then wanting a bigger one. We all would probably add a little somewhere and take a little away elsewhere if we could. I think about how even if the “perfect” figure existed, that woman would still want to change something. The same body parts that we pick apart and disparage are ones that others may desire, so we may as well value our differences and the body shape that we have. If everyone had the same body type, it would be a snoozefest, so it’s a blessing that we all come in various shapes and sizes.
Eye Color: Growing up, I would have traded eye color with my brothers in a second. My mom has brown eyes, but my dad and two brothers all have blue. As a California girl, there’s the stereotypical image of the tan, sun-bleached, blue-eyed blonde. I remember thinking how much better it would be to have blue eyes instead of my dark green ones. “Blue” was the most attractive eye color in my mind, and you really lucked out if you had a pale or light color too. Now, I enjoy that my eye color is more unique (fun fact: green is the rarest eye color belonging to only 2% of the world population), and I delight in and treasure my olive-colored eyes.
Calves: When skinny jeans first arrived, I worked at a local boutique and I attempted trying them on. I don’t even think I could pull the jeans on all of the way, or if I did, it probably looked like the lower-leg seams were about to explode. We all laughed because it was so ridiculous – thankfully the next skinny denim generation worked better for me. I’ve always had more shapely, muscular legs, and I’ve always had calves. I’ve had people ask me for my calve workout secrets, and all I can say is that I have none. It’s just my body type and the way my legs are shaped. I’m never not going to have muscular calves. I remember being insecure about this at times because it didn’t seem feminine, and it’s always been a feature that has made me stand out. Of course, there were moments that I was jealous of my friends with long, pin-thin legs. Years ago, I would have shied away from anything that hit me mid-calf (dresses, skirts, boots etc.) so as not to draw attention to this part of my body. These days, I think my legs are one of my best features, and I’m thrilled that I have stronger, more defined legs.
Height: I always joke that I’m the runt of the litter when it comes to my family. My mom is 5’9,” and most of my female cousins are around this height. I always grew like a weed until about sixth grade when I reached my current height. As someone who was involved in sports and particularly volleyball, taller is almost always better. I felt let down that I was fully grown at 5’6,” and throughout my life, this has remained an inconvenience at times. I was going to sign with Wilhelmina Models in Los Angeles until the woman took one final glance at me and asked, “Wait, you have really high heels on, how tall are you?” I quickly lied (whoops) and said 5’7,” but there was still no way around my height. After cursing my height over the years, I now enjoy my stature. If I want to be taller, I can rock some high heels (which is convenient because I have a closet full of them), and if I don’t, I’m fine sticking with my above-average height.
My hope is that by sharing these insecurities you can reflect on the body parts that you’ve been less-than-thrilled about in the past. Maybe you pinpoint features that have bothered you that you now fully embrace. Maybe you give yourself a break on any insecurities that you are currently struggling with. If given the magical option, I may have altered some of these body parts when I was younger. Of course, the irony is that now I wouldn’t change any of the above items, and I celebrate these unique features. Thank goodness I didn’t mess with anything too much (again, shout out to the eyebrow gods for having mercy on me). Times, styles (bye, skinny jeans! JK), and YOU all evolve, so be kind to yourself and realize that what you complain about now may be what increases your confidence later. Chances are, what you think makes you different or self-conscious is what someone really admires or envies about you. That’s why I’m taking my calve-building secrets to the grave (insert wildly exaggerated Disney-villain cackle).
Do you have anything that you disliked about your body that you now embrace wholeheartedly? Comment below!
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